Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

- The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx, Groucho Marx

Dogs never bite me. Just humans.

- Marilyn Monroe

Happiness is a warm puppy.

- Charles M. Schulz

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

- Mark Twain

Meow" means "woof" in cat.

- George Carlin

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

- Mark Twain

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

- Winston S. Churchill

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

- Josh Billings

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

- Will Rogers

The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.

- Johnny Depp

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

- Mark Twain

All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For after all, he was only human. He wasn't a dog.

- Charles M. Schulz

A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog.

- Jack London

A dog reflects the family life. Whoever saw a frisky dog in a gloomy family, or a sad dog in a happy one? Snarling people have snarling dogs, dangerous people have dangerous ones.

- The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes, Arthur Conan Doyle

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.

- Mark Twain

You think those dogs will not be in heaven! I tell you they will be there long before any of us.

- Robert Louis Stevenson

Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.

- False Memory, Dean Koontz

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

- Groucho Marx

If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.

- Woodrow Wilson

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

- Andy Rooney

The more boys I meet the more I love my dog.

- Carrie Underwood

If you don't own a dog, at least one, there is not necessarily anything wrong with you, but there may be something wrong with your life.

- Roger A. Caras

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.

- Roger A. Caras

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

- Charles de Gaulle

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen.

- My Name is Red, Orhan Pamuk

I believe in integrity. Dogs have it. Humans are sometimes lacking it.

- Cesar Millan

I care not for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.

- Abraham Lincoln

It's just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn't it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.

- Marley and Me: Life and Love With the World's Worst Dog, John Grogan

If slaughterhouses had glass walls, the whole world would be vegetarian.

- Linda's Kitchen: Simple and Inspiring Recipes for Meals Without Meat, Linda McCartney

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

- Dave Barry

. . . owning a dog always ended with this sadness because dogs just don't live as long as people do.

- Marley and Me: Life and Love With the World's Worst Dog, John Grogan

The dog is the most faithful of animals and would be much esteemed were it not so common. Our Lord God has made His greatest gifts the commonest.

- Martin Luther

The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself, too.

- Samuel Butler

I like dogs. You always know what a dog is thinking. It has four moods. Happy, sad, cross and concentrating. Also, dogs are faithful and they do not tell lies because they cannot talk.

- The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, Mark Haddon

Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.

- Marley and Me: Life and Love With the World's Worst Dog, John Grogan

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.

- Aldous Huxley

After years of having a dog, you know him. You know the meaning of his snuffs and grunts and barks. Every twitch of the ears is a question or statement, every wag of the tail is an exclamation.

- Boy's Life, Robert McCammon

In times of joy, all of us wished we possessed a tail we could wag.

- W.H. Auden

Dogs have their day but cats have 365.

- The Cat Who... Omnibus 02 (Books 4-6): The Cat Who Saw Red / The Cat Who Played Brahms / The Cat Who Played Post Office, Lilian Jackson Braun

Whoever said you can't buy Happiness forgot little puppies.

- Gene Hill

You can say any fool thing to a dog and the dog will just give you this look that says, 'My GOSH, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!

- Dave Barry

Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault, really.

- Agnes Sligh Turnbull

I love them, they are so nice and selfish. Dogs are TOO good and unselfish. They make me feel uncomfortable. But cats are gloriously human.

- Anne of the Island, L.M. Montgomery

I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.

- John Steinbeck

There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Discipline isn't about showing a dog who's boss; it's about taking responsibility for a living creature you have brought into your world.

- Be the Pack Leader: Use Cesar's Way to Transform Your Dog... and Your Life, Cesar Millan

People love dogs. You can never go wrong adding a dog to the story.

- White Night, Jim Butcher

Once you have had a wonderful dog, a life without one, is a life diminished.

- A Big Little Life: A Memoir of a Joyful Dog, Dean Koontz

Everything I know, I learned from dogs.

- The Search, Nora Roberts

Why is it we want so badly to memorialize ourselves? Even while we're still alive. We wish to assert our existence, like dogs peeing on fire hydrants.

- Der blinde Mörder, Margaret Atwood

Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.

- Bitter Is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Jen Lancaster

Never mind, said Hachiko each day. Here I wait, for my friend who's late. I will stay, just to walk beside you for one more day.

- Skins, Jess C. Scott

They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.

- Jerome K. Jerome

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.

- James Thurber

Thus went my first Court Day. I think i'm going to puke.

- Terrier, Tamora Pierce

The greatest fear dogs know is the fear that you will not come back when you go out the door without them.

- Stanley Coren

You can usually tell that a man is good if he has a dog who loves him.

- A Dog's Journey, W. Bruce Cameron

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

- Robert Benchley

Once when I had remarked on the affection quite often found between cat and dog, my friend replied, "Yes. But I bet no dog would ever confess it to the other dogs.

- The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis

If I could be half the person my dog is, I'd be twice the human I am.

- How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe, Charles Yu

There is no faith which has never yet been broken, except that of a truly faithful dog

- Konrad Lorenz

Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.

- Roger A. Caras

The dog has seldom been successful in pulling man up to its level of sagacity, but man has frequently dragged the dog down to his.

- James Thurber

It's hard not to immediately fall in love witha dog who has a good sense of humor.

- Because of Winn-Dixie, Kate DiCamillo

You want a friend in this city? [Washington, DC.] Get a dog!

- Harry Truman

We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet; and amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog has made an alliance with us.

- Max DePree

When an eighty-five pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it's hard to feel sad.

- Catch of the Day, Kristan Higgins

They had buried him under our elm tree, they said -- yet this was not totally true. For he really lay buried in my heart.

- My Dog Skip, Willie Morris

The dogs brought it all back to, you know, to the human side.

- Until Tuesday: A Wounded Warrior and the Golden Retriever Who Saved Him, Luis Carlos Montalván

Did you know that there are over three hundred words for love in canine?

- Elsewhere, Gabrielle Zevin

What do dogs do on their day off?; Can't lie around – that's their job!

- George Carlin

Men are like dogs," Stacy was fond of saying. And she usually went on to add that, like dogs, they all took up too much space on the bed, and they always went for the crotch.

- Smooth Talking Stranger, Lisa Kleypas

Once bitten twice shy? Sure, but... why not get a bigger dog and bite them back?

- Hindsight, A.A. Bell

The face of a golden retriever feels like home.

- Dogtripping: 25 Rescues, David Rosenfelt

Joyful, joyful, joyful, as only dogs know how to be happy with only the autonomy of their shameless spirit.

- Pablo Neruda

Questers of the truth, that's who dogs are; seekers after the invisible scent of another being's authentic core.

- Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson

Sometimes you're sure dogs have some secret, superior intelligence, and other times you know they're only their simple, goofy selves.

- The Six Rules of Maybe, Deb Caletti

Not Carnegie, Vanderbilt, and Astor together could have raised money enough to buy a quarter share in my little dog.

- Ernest Thompson Seton

As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.

- Once Upon a Marigold, Jean Ferris

I sometimes look into the face of my dog Stan and see a wistful sadness and existential angst, when all he is actually doing is slowly scanning the ceiling for flies.

- Merrill Markoe

DOG: A kind of additional or subsidiary Diety designed to catch the overflow or surplus of the world's worship.

- Ambrose Bierce

Hounds follow those who feed them.

- Otto von Bismarck

I have a little dog who likes to nap with me. He climbs on my body and puts his face in my neck. He is sweeter than soap. He is more wonderful than a diamond necklace, which can't even bark...

- Mary Oliver

A dog is like a person—he needs a job and a family to be what he's meant to be.

- Andrew Vachss

To show too much joy in a place such as this would be unseemly but, as he padded toward her, his tail was extended in a manner which would make wagging possible should all go as expected.

- A Countess Below Stairs, Eva Ibbotson

Why, that dog is practically a Phi Beta Kappa. She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw -- I don't say she will but she can.

- Dorothy Parker

My father...was a man who understood all dogs thoroughly and treated them like human beings.

- The Third Policeman, Flann O'Brien

I asked this heroic pet lover how it felt to have died for a schnauzer named Teddy. Salvador Biagiani was philosophical. He said it sure beat dying for absolutely nothing in the Viet Nam War.

- God Bless You, Kurt Vonnegut

You can't be sad when Daisy is around, she won't let you.

- Daisy, Maryam Faresh

What kind of a world do we live in that has room for dog yoga but not for Esperanto?

- In the Land of Invented Languages: Esperanto Rock Stars, Arika Okrent

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs.

- Martha Scott

I confronted the fact that I was not only talking to a dog, but answering for one.

- Must Love Dogs, Claire Cook

My dog is half pit-bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!

- Craig Shoemaker

Scream at the mangled leather carcass lying at the foot of the stairs, and my parents would roar with laughter. "That's what you get for leaving your wallet on the kitchen table.

- Me Talk Pretty One Day, David Sedaris

I want her back" I said "I want HIM back"~Charlie

- Everything for a Dog, Ann M. Martin

Do animals understand the concept of dreams or do they think they enter another dimension when they get tired?

- Christy Leigh Stewart

Even if I take him out for three hours every day, and go and chat to him for another hour, that leaves twenty hours for him all alone with nothing to do. Oh, why can't dogs read?

- The Pursuit of Love, Nancy Mitford

When I came out of anesthesia, I wanted two things: my husband and my dog. They wouldn't let the dog in the recovery room.

- Numenon, Sandy Nathan

Reason number 106 why dogs are smarter than humans: once you leave the litter, you sever contact with your mothers.

- My Sister's Keeper, Jodi Picoult

The simplest strategy for bouts of noxious flatus is to not care. Or perhaps to take advantage of a gastroenterologist I know: get a dog. (To blame.)

- Gulp: Adventures on the Alimentary Canal, Mary Roach